Thursday, June 28, 2007

Much Loved Billy Lost


I lost him in Stockholm, I think. Yes, I did, I’m actually close to sure of it. A gush of wind might have caught him and swept him off to Norway, or the Baltic countries, entirely dependent upon the direction of the equatorial wind, of course. He’s so tiny you see. Once I accidentally stepped on him, and kept rubbing my shoe against the asphalt trying to get rid of him like a gum stuck on a rubber sole. Well, I didn’t now he was stuck under there, but thank goodness he never took harm, or offence for that matter.

Well, in all honesty he may have. He is so tiny, you see, that I have always had difficulty in pinning down the details of his physiognomy. For all I know I suppose he could have been offended, and I simply didn’t know because he was too tiny for me to tell. In any event he seemed to be relatively fine when I finally got him off of there. I used a chopstick to scrape him off, which I subsequently broke into eight pieces, one of which he took into his mouth and carried home, strutting happily down the street.

Oh Billy, how I miss him… Did I tell you he tends to stick his tongue in my ear? In fact he seems perfectly fine with sticking his tongue in anyone’s ear, haha! But seeing I’m the only one around in the evening, I get all the luck. Provided I don’t push him away he will do my ear for hours with that sweet little tongue of his. In fact, I rarely use Q-tips these days, except to apply lotion to this dry patch on his belly, which seems to have decided it will stay for a good while. I tried to apply it with my finger, but it’s just that he’s so god damn tiny I wind up applying it to 75% of his body!

He has a collar around his neck, too. It’s made out of heavy thread, on which I have attached a nametag. It says: “Billy. Property of the bilingual department”, which I realize makes little sense now, if it ever did.

He picked up on Swedish awe-strikingly fast, though, even if we were only in Stockholm for 4 days before I lost him. He made quite a stir in a central Stockholm restaurant when he asked for more Aquavit and started to sing “Helan går”. Slightly out of tune, but given his size I don’t think anyone can hold that against him. In fact, it’s very difficult for small organisms to fully make use of their vocal cords. Because Billy is so tiny his vocal cords don’t have sufficient space to properly vibrate and modulate the flow of air that is expelled from the lungs during phonation.

But oh, how he sang, my sweet, sweet, little Billy. If you hear him, please return him to the bilingual department. He’s so tiny you see.

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