Tuesday, February 4, 2014

A very long post documenting a very short getaway

It's funny how moving to a new continent changes your idea of a good weekend outing. In Copenhagen, I think I would have been inclined to spend my Saturday visiting a gourmet food store, going through the racks at H & M or perhaps watching DVD box sets back-to-back visiting a museum.

In Nairobi, where few such consumerist pleasures exist, you're like to go camping instead.

Seeing neither Johan and I are experienced campers - in fact, I've never once gone camping nor do I count rucksacks or portable stoves among my worldly possessions - we figured it would be both safer and more cost-effective to check into a lodge. (Camping gear is expensive you guys, and the Lion Hill Game Lodge, which we stayed at in Lake Nakuru National Park cost about $300 for two nights, full board. Good deal right?)

So, without further ado, here's how it all went down, in very meticulous and somewhat chronological order:
First thing we did was buy Safari cigarettes. I specifically asked for the kind that don't harm you, but only the people in your vicinity, and luckily they had that exact kind. (Btw to all parents out there, I'd like to add that we didn't actually smoke these. Just brought them as dashboard-decoration. To look a little rugged.) 

The minute we entered the national park, we saw a beautiful zebra and decided to call it a day and head straight for the lodge.

Once there, we got drinks on the deck and enjoyed the sunset. (Johan is being a real champ here, trying to look comfortable in those chairs, which, believe me, where anything but.)

Even Hillary was excited :)

In the morning, we had breakfast here. It was a breakfast buffet, and wow, buffet behavior is weird. If I were a stand-up comedian I would do a bit that opened like this: "So what's the deal with buffets?!" And then I would crack some mildly amusing jokes at best. So let's not go there. 

Calories! Calories! Calories! It's important to stock up on calories when you're gonna sit inside a car all day.

Right outside the lodge, we spotted this little guy who was all: "Take me with you and feed me potato chips". (On a somewhat related note, a baboon had crashed into our hotel room the night before, going straight for that little cup where they put instant coffee and creamer for you to enjoy. It was the weirdest moment ever, standing eye-to-eye with a baboon caught red-handed with sachets of sugar in its...paw? hand? Whatevs.)

Beautiful.

More beautiful.

I could have spat on this rhino - not that I would've, but that's how close to it we were. At one point it started budging, and I thought "omg, it's gonna eat us", but all it did was tilt over to its side, exactly like a dog would, and let out a good, long, healthy fart. And then it dosed off to sleep.

Want one of these. It will be my first piece of camping gear.

Buffaloes pick the best backdrops.

Such a nice guy.

In fact, Johan is such a nice guy he encouraged me to drive his car, even though I haven't driven a car since the year 2002. As you can see, going 20 kilometers per hour felt thrilling!

Lush! I may have increased the saturation of this photo, but still!

There were so many pregnant lady zebras waddling around, snacking and chatting about mommy blogs :O)
 
The view from Baboon Cliff, as it was called. The water level was extremely high, flooding roads as well as trees, which made for an oddly beautiful view.

This little vermin was also enjoying the view. I love how it looks as if it's trying really hard to look serious. Sucking in its cheeks and lover lip :)

Lord knows I'm not photogenic. It always looks as if I'm in some sort of pain. (The third picture of this post, being a near perfect example.) Anyway, by now Johan has found this nifty little trick of taking a picture right when I think I'm done posing, and while the result is not downright elegant, I definitely look more at ease.
When we got back to the lodge, we headed straight for the pool. Johan had forgot his trunks and had to swim in his boxers, which shouldn't really make that much a difference, except somehow it does. If I were a stand-up comedian, I would do a bit that opened like this: "So what's the deal with people who go swimming in their underwear?"
Yup. The guy working the pool at the lodge was a dead-ringer for Moses Hightower in The Police Academy. A friendly giant, he was :)
THE END! Phew, sorry that was a very long post, that should probably have been split in two. (I always get so annoyed when bloggers don't know how to edit, and you're like dude, your parsnip fries look delish, but I don't need to see FIVE pictures of them.)

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